what is your deepest intention?
entering the unknown with intentionality: reflections from a 2D artist in the NFT space; the tension between fear, opportunity, and being true to your creative practice
what’s up my friends 💓 happy weekend, let’s get to it.
if this is your first time here, welcome! you might want to check out genesis part 1 (intro) and part 2 (my motivations: art as a solve for loneliness) to get oriented to my work. in general, announcements and logistics up top, long form writing below.
TL;DWannaRead:
STELLIUM my new collection of work will launch around 3/28. it will include paintings, NFTs AND at least one painting/NFT combined auction. links will go out to newsletter first, so open up quickly! 👽✨
you can view my available paintings here, prints here, and NFTs here, here and here. use the code NFTS for 20% off prints.
before we begin, i would bereft not to mention the targeted terrorist attack on the AAPI community this week. i have been addressing it extensively on instagram and do not have it in me to write more here, though maybe i will in the future. at the end of the day, i believe that showing up in my fullest color as an asian, female, artist, day after day, on the internet and in the world, is one of the greatest things i can do to further equality and representation. i will continue to fight this fight. my deepest love to all of you for your support over this past week and in general ❤️
art is a refuge, as was writing this newsletter today. so with that, welcome to nfts (notes, feelings, thoughts) with amac - a newsletter about creativity in 2021.
entering the unknown with intentionality: reflections from as a 2D artist who recently entered the NFT space
to level set: nfts (notes, feelings, thoughts) with amac is a blog about my journey as an emerging visual artist in 2021. the extent to which i will discuss NFTs (non-fungible tokens) will be defined by how much they are dovetailing with my own experience, which at the moment, is a lot. my last two posts outline why, but this post will dive more into how i thought about entering the space as a primarily ‘physical’ i.e., non-digital artist. this reflection is targeted at other artists (not investors) and holds thoughts applicable to life at large. enjoy 💓
…i first heard about NFTs sometime last summer, when a friend in crypto mentioned the phrase to me. honestly, it was sounded very conceptual and given that i hadn’t even sold a physical IRL painting yet, a bit of a distraction - so i didn’t bite.
fast-forward a few months >> i started meaningfully poking around the NFT space about 6 weeks ago. ahem, of course i have receipts:
being very much on the bird app, the clubhouse, and part of TMFA it was hard not to miss the growing conversation around NFTs and their place in the art world.
truthfully, i was not all-in on NFTs at the outset. very much the opposite. at the risk of alienating some NFT OGs, i will admit i first went through a couple phases. i share this, because i know for a fact many of my artist friends are going through the same thing. and also, we are honest, transparent and real AF on this blog. so here they are:
PHASE 1 // PURE PANIC 😖 AMAC’S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE re: NFTs: “what the HELL are NFTs why is everyone tweeting about them wtf is going on I CANNOT FIND ANY CONTENT ON THIS will someone please explain to me in non-technical terms like on the phone or maybe on the clubhouse i still don’t really understand the blockchain in general omg this is so overwhelming what do you mean all art is going to be digital what if i still want to paint i am actively trying to be OFF MY SCREEN MORE like does this mean more screentime this doesnt make any sense oh my godddddddd what the hell is happening”
PHASE 2 // PURE DESPAIR 😭 AMAC’S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE: “*literal tears* i don’t want my kids to live in a world *cries* where everything is on a screen i want them to delight *blows nose* in the experience of holding a paintbrush in their hands and having the sun on their face and WE WILL NEVER HAVE THAT NOW *literal actual cryingggggg*”
ahem. i am nothing if not dramatic.
but, drama and outsized reactions, in my experience, tend to accompany anything that is new, anything that is scary, anything that challenges the way we see the world. so much is so overwhelming and we consciously or unconsciously do all we can to get a grip on things, to create some semblance of solidity, to get our bearings in a way that makes us feel like we have some control of this thing called life. so when something shakes that sense of control well - truly fuck that thing. this movement towards solidity, towards control, is of course, human nature. it also is, of course, self-deception 🤗 — for how can we really get a grip on something that is always changing?
if you are at this part of your NFT journey (or really, if you find yourself with an outsized reaction in any part of your life), i invite you ask yourself if perhaps the underlying emotion you’re feeling is fear? fear of something that is challenging you to change the way you understand the world (or at least the internet, or art) or fear of your way of being (art-ing) being changed. chances are, the answer is yes. :) but the good news is, on the other side of fear tends to be ✨ o p p o r t u n i t y ✨
PHASE 3 // calm, pause 😌🥚 this ain’t my first rodeo so i know these freak outs [read: anxiety attacks] are a necessary part of my process and that the next step is to take a deep breath.
one of the least helpful energies to work with is that of FOMO. fear of missing out, for me, is a sure fire way to ensure that i start moving at something for the wrong reasons and a very easy way to abandon any sense of intentionality. i start chasing something new without taking a moment to stop and be intentional about why i’m chasing it.
i felt the tension between these - fear and intentionality - in february, as the NFT space was heating up and as my art community was launching their beeple project. i was torn by holding dear to what felt true and right to me at the time, which was focusing on painting my next collection, and what seemed like immense time-sensitivity in participating in this new medium.
i should take this time to pause and make clear that at the moment, that’s how i am thinking about NFTs - as a new medium - and that i am also of the belief that the space is not only for digital, but for traditional (2D, physical) artists as well.
i ping ponged back and forth between feeling like i was being true to myself and the unshakeable dread that comes with feeling like everything is passing you by. i imagine some of you are feeling the same way now. in my self-imposed pause, i came to this:
>> A PHILOSOPHICAL ASIDE >> i have been obsessed with fate, destiny, and human agency for a long time (my fixation with these concepts and their place in ancient greek philosophy actually led me to be a classical studies major in college… i know, #niche). when i was younger, destiny was the most romantic and most panic-inducing of ideas. i loved to think that there, in the distance *waves hands and gestures nebulously* was the life that was singularly destined for me ✨😌, but i was also haunted by the idea that if that was true, there must be a predetermined path i am to walk to ensure this success. one step leads to another leads to another leads to my destiny. so what happens if i miss a step? 🤔
i’ve heard this same fear echoed back to me over and over in conversations with friends and siblings, in meetings with former direct reports and in my own internal monologue, haunting and cautioning that i can’t miss ‘the step,’ lest my life and entire future falls to pieces. double jeopardy: existential dread for $1000, alex.
i am no longer of the belief that that is the case. we are the active creators of our own lives, of our own careers. while we don’t control everything and while there are innumerable structures, many unfair, imposed upon us (and not imposed equally, might i add), i do believe we have more control of our paths than we like to give ourselves credit for.
this is the basic idea around ‘manifestation’ - calling something into your future. a phrase i repeat to myself as often as daily is: “imagine your ideal life, now project yourself into it.” you do not create your reality just by thinking it, but thinking it moves your biggest dreams into your active consciousness and that trickles into your daily life, often moving you unconsciously towards actions that are more likely to help you achieve your larger goal.
SO GETTING BACK TO NFTS… post-pause, i found myself at the brink of PHASE 4: INTENTIONAL ENTRANCE 👩🏻🎨 as i made the decision to enter the space i thought: what is my ideal life? what is my ideal practice? what is my deepest intention? can i operate from that place instead of from a place of fear of missing a step? at the end of the day, i just want to create honest and beautiful art. it is fulfilling, it is from my soul, and i believe that truth helps not only me but other people.
from the outside, it looks like the NFT space is a land grab where people are uploading .jpgs and making millions of dollars. IT IS NOT. that view is reductive and honestly limiting and disrespectful to the many artists, digital or otherwise, who have put years into their practices and are enjoying the fruits of their labor through this new medium. it also isn’t free - in fact, it is more often than not, prohibitively expensive, to mint work. THIS SHIT IS EXPENSIVE. people aren’t saying that enough! so that in and of itself is reason for being incredibly intentional about making your entrance in.
if i am being honest with myself, a lot of my FOMO was around feeling like i was missing out on money; seeing people in my circles making a lot of money on NFTs, having my twitter filled with success stories, etc.. but when i took a moment to pause and think about my deepest intention, i realized: money isn’t the end goal — art is. the reason money is interesting to me at all is that i need money to be able to pursue art… because: rent, therapy, health insurance, food, paints, buying 2nd puppy [edit: this was a joke, kinda lol], buying a house, we live in a capitalistic society, etc., etc. but if i had more money - what would i be doing? i would do more painting. but couldn’t i just do more painting now? this might not be the right answer for everyone, but getting very, very honest about where you stand on the money issue is one of the most important points in deciding whether or not to put energy into this space - or really how you decide to put energy anywhere - and should inform how you do it.
edit: (hopefully) obviously, this is *not* to say money isn’t important. are you kidding?! as I discussed in my previous post, part of what excites me about this space is the potential for economic advancement of artists, i.e., artists, like myself, making more/any money. my point above is to push to you be thoughtful on how, how much, and how quickly. if the goal is an immediate buck or a quick big buck, my reflection is this is a lot easier said that done in the space. if you are dedicated to being an artist in the long-term, i also think it might not serve your personal brand to be cater to aesthetic trends if they’re not true to your practice.
with this in mind, i started to look to NFTs as a medium, similar to a print, rather than as a place for new body of work. as a painter, my primary economic ‘unit’ is a painting. seeing as my work doesn’t command thousands of dollars, one of my big focuses in the past year has been how to extend the value of that work - which led me to prints. i can sell the original once, but i can sell a print X times. i started by thinking of NFTs as the same way: each painting now has a 2nd life on the blockchain as a NFT. this is an extremely formative decision for *my* practice - as of now, this means that I have decided *not* to create work *solely* for the NFT space. NFTs flow out of my physical practice, and not vice versa. this comes back to my deepest intention, which is to be a painter. this will not be right for everyone, but this has been a north star of sorts in my practice.
i should also note, the above de-risks my investment (time) into the space. i am currently of the belief that NFTs are the real deal, but if they’re not, i’ve also not upended my whole life and practice to cater to the market. rather, i’ve found a way to work NFTs into my existing flow. i also think there is a narrative in the media at the moment that anyone can just release a NFT make tons of money, which is absolutely not the case. so even if money was my end goal, it wouldn’t have been as simple as just putting time in.
the other thing i reminded (and continue to remind myself) is that i am here for a long time, not just a good time. i will be an artist for the rest of my life; my practice will only grow, my work will constantly evolve. i keep remembering: if i wanted to make a quick buck, i wouldn’t be an artist lol. it’s extremely hard for this profession to be lucrative — it takes a long time to be successful. i have taken this same approach with NFTs. i am building a practice, a body of work, a real relationship with collectors (crypto or otherwise) and that might not translate into immediate sales, but that’s ok, because we’re in it for the long haul.
and with that (and after a couple failed starts) i launched my first collection on opensea: BLOOM // paintings from the desert, a series of NFTs that were, quite literally, images of my paintings. this felt extremely true to my practice and extremely true to my voice and point of view. i got lucky with a couple big RTs in my first week and made some sales and it has since quieted, almost completely, down. i’d be lying if i said i don’t have fears that this was just a blip but i keep coming back to the fact that it’s been less than a month. this is a peaks and valleys career. i must sustain myself through the valleys; a still open question is how big of a part of my practice NFTs will fill (hopefully a lot, but who knows).
so about a month or two in, i find myself in PHASE 5 - INTENTIONAL BEING 🌸 that is, how i am being and embodying an emerging artist in 2021, existing in both physical, digital, and the space in between. here is how i am approaching both my art in general, and the NFT space on a day-to-day basis.
at the end of the day, it mostly comes down to finding my signal in the noise. a lot of friends have been talking about how it is hard to differentiate and get attention in the space with so much coming in. that’s true, but that’s also true of instagram and of art in general. my view on this is that the only sustainable way to differentiate (other than gaming the system 😈) is just to show up fully as yourself and stay true to your unique point of view. what do you have to say that is uniquely you and how do you say it in a way that only you can say it? practically speaking, this can be your unique aesthetic style, medium, or preferred subject matter. i don’t think you need to have one distinctive aesthetic (though that does seem to help across all platforms), but you do need to have a distinctive voice and that takes time, deep self-reflection, and reps. it’s a life-long journey to find your voice but if you’re comfortable, you can also take your audience with you in your attempt to do that (as i am, here, with you! 🤗).
which all comes back to telling your story. my impression of the NFT space so far is that it is much more of a fair playing field that the traditional art market (i.e. gallery) space. yes, there are huge artists coming in and making tons of momey, but there are also artists who are quickly emerging because of their distinct point of view and ability to tell their stories most tactically, on twitter and through dedicated blogs/websites. the beauty of the blockchain is that each work is tied to an owner; there is no anonymity. even the artists who create ‘anonymous’ personas, have a persona and that persona is as crucial to what they are selling as the art itself. i think this is truly beautiful; i have always loved the artist debatably more than the art. the whole space is embued with narrative, with community, with connection as it relates to pieces. I LOVE IT.
which is a long way of saying, my current view is that the artists who will be most successful will be the ones who art able to tell their story or share their point of view in a compelling way. this goes hand and hand with community 🤝 because it is necessary for connection (and as you know, connection is a solve for loneliness). SPEAK YOUR TRUTH. TELL YOUR STORY. it is necessary for the market to understand your art! maybe i’m naive but i don’t know, maybe i’m also right. ;)
i think “unique point of view” is not just words or stories but also translates to aesthetic. in many ways, my abstract work is sort of everything the market seems to NOT want at the moment. there is no discernible figure, no characteristics, does not lend itself at all to being an avatar (though maybe as a twitter header hah) and is not pixelated. that is purposefully reductive for effect, but you get the idea. however, my abstract work it is the work most true to me at the moment 🤷🏻♀️ and i do believe that at some point, the little abstract corner of the metaverse i occupy will start to get attention, and i will be here ready with a body of work to offer.
if you’re thinking about entering something new, what is your version of the above? what can you hold onto as your truest expression, and can you continue to embody that and trust that it will work out?
for myself, at what point do i stop trusting that the success will eventually come? the beauty of this approach, as mentioned above, is that i have effectively de-risked myself. in that NFTs flow out of my physical practice and not vice versa, i have a stream of income (hopefully) of selling my canvas paintings, which is the business i have been focused on for the past year. in this way i am not putting all my 🥚s in one basket. if i had totally re-routed my existing practice to make work just for the NFT space, i would likely have much less patience in this approach. but as it stands, any sales become an added surprise rather than a must-have. does that make sense?
so there you have it. that was so long, but hopefully it gave you some inspiration on how to start your NFT journey as well as some principles you might apply to daily life. i will say, i was extremely trigger-happy in spending a big chunk of my NFT sales on works of other artists. luckily, i basically only bought from artists i know :) so i am happy to be able to support them. but, i also sort of assumed the sales would regularly flow in, which they’re no longer (for now 🤞🏼), and now i find myself wishing i had saved more of that first wave of eth$. so reminder: this is uncharted territory. this post was focused on intentionality around creative energy but it you should also apply the same if not more intentionality to the economics. be smart, don’t bankrupt your bank account or your soul!
i hope that helps all of you who are poking around the space. i’d love to hear your thoughts on this piece and if you loved it, please give me a tweet on the bird app! thank you!!
much words. too much. enough for now. so until next time,
amac ✨💓👽
FOOTNOTE: i’m down if you’re mostly in it for the money - even though i’m not 👽
there is obviously money to be made in the NFT space (and everywhere). and if you are in it for the money, ok with me. i think there are a lot of smart and talented people out there launching collections and collectibles that capitalize on the current look and feel of the space, e.g., pixelated avatars in the style of crypto punks. i am a marketer by profession and deeply respect the observation and understanding of consumer psychology required to launch a project like this from scratch, create resonant art, build a story around it, etc. so truly, no shade here. 🤝 i actually think there is a GREAT argument to be made on capitalizing on trends in the short-term, to fund the art you really want to do in the long-term. pay artists money. work the system. more power to you. 🤝
i also don’t mean to say that all of these projects have this intention. i have never been able to separate art from artist, so my bias always is towards projects that feel deeply personal, which i will own colors some of my views of many of the *new* pixelated collectibles coming out. i really admire artists like lirona (#mother of the very popular #boiz and #gurlz collection) who have stayed true to themselves and found a way to really resonate in the current moment. she has a great thread on instagram that talks about how she thought about entering the space here. but at least for me, that’s not my current vibe.
if you’re an artist truly still on the fence, the last thing i’ll offer is simply to think about it in terms of optionality. I am of the belief that NFTs will be a big part of the future of art, but even if you’re not, there seems to be enough excitement that you probably should preserve optionality. What this meant for me in February was setting up a crypto wallet, metamask, and claiming my username on all the big NFT platforms. i did this even before deciding if i would ever mint, just to have the option and the URLs when I did. i did not regret it. :)